Who Am I? Who Are We?

I am a person who loves whole heartedly. 

Unapologetically. 

I love being alone, but I hate being lonely. 

I crave things from the universe, ask for it, and receive. 

Sometimes as soon as I am showed it, I am not sure if it is what I want anymore. 

I get scared yet sometimes act out in anger because it's a silent cry out for help.

I know myself better than anyone, yet sometimes I feel like I am looking in the mirror at a complete stranger. 

My heart says one thing, and my mind tells me another.

I have a constant four way tug of war between my head, heart, my family, and my friends.

I've pushed people away, which made me realize that from the beginning they weren't meant to stay.

I love myself and I hate myself.

Some love me, which are the people closest to me. 

The people closest to me who know every inch of me and my world, with not one secret.  

Some will hate me for reasons I can not understand; usually the ones that think they know me.

 I may not understand why but what I do understand is that no one is perfect. 

I understand that we are not made to fit the exact shoe in everyone else's life. 

I realize when Cinderella's shoe fell off, not one person in that kingdom had her shoe size and it was.. EHHH spot on?

 ⦁⦁⦁⦁⦁⦁

Metaphorically I mean. 

While someone else in the kingdom could realistically absolutely have her shoe size, they did not seem to have her heart size. 

Not one of us are meant to be the same. 

That is something that I tell myself every day to help me get by.

I realize that it is just humanly impossible to make every shoe fit no matter how much you want it or how hard you try to make it fit. 

We are made to fit in our own.

There is no creation exactly like us; Not one. 

I am stubborn in my own way, but that stubbornness comes with lots of smiles and laughs. 

As stubborn as I can be, I am also very understanding and flexible. 

I am stubborn to the things that matter to me the most. 

The things that matter the most to me are simple. 

The people that I love. 

I love so much that sometimes people may not understand it. 

Hell, most of the time I don't even understand it; but I feel it.

With that, all I know is it is a part of who I am; a part of my heart. 

I have had temper tantrums at the age of 21 when things did not go as planned. 

I have sat in the middle of my bathroom at the age of 23, screaming asking God why me; As I let the salt and mascara drip from my eyes onto the tile floor.

I have felt a happiness I have never thought was able to be taken away from me, but with the simple drop of a pencil my world came crashing down on me. 

My world was filled with tall towers made of bricks. 

And let me tell you that shit hurts like a bitch. 

This is a world I had taken so long to build for myself. 

This world I made was a little something like the Titanic. 

Unsinkable. 

But little did they know, little did I know, little did we all know.... 

The Titanic was not only sinkable. 

It sunk... 

All the way... 

Uncontrollably...

To the bottom.... 

Don't forget she ALSO snapped in half.

What I learned from sinking to the bottom is this;

You can let the ship pull you down with it, and give up. 

You can stop swimming.

Easy? 

Sure. 

It's easy to be defeated because you just lay there and let life fuck you like a starfish at the bottom of the ocean.

You can and maybe that would be easier. 

But, we are not here to live an "easy" life and just "get by". 

If you think about it how boring would that be?

What we are here for is to live a meaningful life. 

We are here to share and show that we care. 

We are here to help one another out. 

Not rip each other down. 

Life is not about being better than anyone else. 

Life is not about being rich.

It is not about being popular and perfect. 

It's about being real. 

It is about being you. 

Being humble. 

Life is about not only your own, but touching the lives of others as well. 

Leaving an imprint that can never be erased nor forgotten. 

So in the midst of that, if your walls, buildings, or house comes crashing down; don't lay under it and sit defeated like I did. 

Crash through it and start again. 

Where those bricks fell, eventually weeds will grow and slowly start to show through. 

From weeds you get small flowers. 

From small flowers you can receive an entire garden. 

And with that garden you can choose to grow anything you wish.